A fairly p*rny Eldar (Patreon)

Hey all,

So I'm late as per usual, what else is new?

Well this sketch is. Continuing our journey into Warhammer 40K whether you like it or not I am now here today to explain to you guys and gals stuff about one of the oldest races in the Warhammer 40K universe. In fact we've, much like the T'au, briefly been over them in the temporarily halted "alien chicks from across pop-culture" series. And I do not remember what I said about them there aside from describing them as space elves, which is what they are.

The Eldar are an ancient race created by an even older (now disappeared) race known to us only as "the old ones". The old ones are responsible for much of the happenings in the galaxy, as their actions have reverberated throughout the ages after their disappearance, no one know where they went, and there are even theories that some may have survived and are still lingering around in some way shape or form. Maybe even in plain sight, and it's just that no one recognizes them for what they are because it's been so long all memories of them have been lost.

But we're not here to talk about old ones, we're here about one of the races they created, the Eldar.

These space elves were originally created (together with the Krork, who many theorize degenerated into what are now known as Orks) In the Old Ones' war against the Necron and the C'tan the Necrons have been enslaved by thanks to a deal gone bad made by their leader the Silent King, who exiled himself in shame for what he's done to his people.

This war, despite the powerful Eldar and maybe Krork (we don't really know to what extend they played  role in the war), was eventually lost. The Necron and their C'tan masters reigned. This event is known as the war in heaven, and it was such a destructive conflict in the galaxy that it puts to shame the scale of the current conflicts going on in it. With such damage dealt to the galaxy, there wasn't much for the Necron and C'tan to rule over, so they went to hibernate inside of huge tombs to wait for the galaxy to recover so they can once again rule over it.

That is, they did that after a bit of a rebellion by the Necron where they turned their weapons against their masters the C'tan to shatter them and instead enslave them.

But this is again a story better saved for another time perhaps, maybe when the Necron themselves are up. If you know anything about the Necron you know it doesn't make a lot of sense for them to show up in a series of sketches about sexy warhammer gals. If you don't... Look them up, you'll understand. (But they will show up eventually regardless)

But so, recovering is what the galaxy did. The Eldar in particular spread far and wide and forged themselves a huge empire, probably eclipsing the human Imperium at the height of its power. But since the Imperium of mankind hasn't quite collapsed yet, emphasis on yet here, I guess humanity still has a chance to show these elves what for and show the true might of humanity. Maybe then when the Necron fully wake up again will the galaxy stand a chance, that is until the Tyranids arrive in full... maybe. Tyranid and Necron don't play along together well, and that's not just because they don't like each other, Tyranids don't like anything, they just want to eat. But yet again, this post is not about them. Back to Eldar.

Eldar are psychic, which means they basically have magical powers. This psychic power is drawn from the warp, a chaotic realm where nothing makes sense and time flows differently.

 Once upon a time, the warp was calm and the Eldar could use it to psychically do... anything really. But during the war in heaven something went terribly wrong, and the warp is no longer the calm place full of limitless power to freely draw from. So they had to be a bit more careful. Still though, they are quite skilled in warp science, so they made do with this new, more dangerous warp. The Eldar who are among the best at psychic fuckery are known as Farseers, so named for their ability to use the warp to peer into the future to some degree and help guide their race through troubles. This has subsequently allowed many an Eldar upon losing at something to claim that they meant to lose from the beginning and everything is proceeding just as planned. Twas but a clever ruse and this will play out in some way that's beneficial to the Eldar in the future.

Of course, Eldar are not infallible and they can still get things wrong, yes, even the Farseers, so things don't always go "just as planned" as they like to claim. But the Eldar are very haughty and proud so you'll likely not find one admit to it any time soon.

But that girl up there? That's one of them, a Farseer. I've somewhat modeled her after a specific one named Taldeer, from the game Dawn of War. This computer game, being third part, means her canonity is... questionable. But I chose to model this one after her anyway just so I could mention "love can bloom" a kind of famous piece of fanfiction about her and an imperial assassin. Because I like it a lot. You'll probably be able to find it if you type its name into google. But be warned, it was never finished.

Anyway at one point the Eldar empire collapsed in an explosion of drug-fueled bdsm murder rape orgy where they accidentally birthed the fourth major Chaos god into existence by murderfucking each other just a bit too hard, leaving a permanent scar behind on the galaxy known as the eye of terror. It's constantly pumping out warp stuff into reality, which, the galaxy being reality, doesn't like. This gaping asshole into the warp has recently experienced a bit of an an*l fissure and ripped the galaxy in two because Cadia exploded after being assaulted by chaos forces too hard. But remember, the planet fell before the guard did.

So despite fucking the galaxy over majorly the Eldar still like to pretend they're superior to everyone else, being annoyingly haughty to the point of claiming that "losing this battle was part of my plan all along so haha I win". Stubborn space elves. Though there are some among them who can admit that however hard humanity is fucking up right now, it's not quite as disastrous as their own monumental fuckup, so they're not entirely unreasonable, and why they get to be one of the *cough* "good" factions in the setting.

SoCarter out.