Outhouse and Buzzing Flies (Patreon)

While Leipzig Lament deals with an unexpected visitor Link and Stone Mane attempts to reengage his train of thought. Link Another pony was confronted by a new and rather horrifying experience in my Equestria dreamscape.

     Since my household had left for Ft. Trotterdale to work temporarily for Scratch we've asked Rainbow Dash to house sit and keep an eye on the place. While AJ tended to our garden, RD picked up the mail and brought it in. Made sure nothing was amiss with our cottage, and even though the Best Young Fliers Competition was behind her Dash had continued her pole dancing practice. She found it to be challenging and fun.

     So one afternoon after a particularly successful workout the prismatic maned mare heading into our cottage to take a quick shower. However upon entering the cottage the mare was confronted with a foul, noxious smell floating in the air. Dash checked the icebox. She'd been keeping an eye on our icebox and had made sure that fresh ice was delivered twice a week. There wasn't much in it at the moment besides a 6 pack of ciders that she kept for post workout enjoyment. Nope! The smell wasn't coming from the icebox. The pegasus opened a few of the cottage's windows to permit a bit more fresh air in. Then she started a more methodical investigation of the cottage. This included flying up into the rafters to determine that some animal hadn't die up in the thatch roof.

     Finding no dead rats, raccoons, squirrels or opossum in rafters and no rotting food scraps in the compost bucket the mare gave up and decided to take her delayed shower. However upon opening the bathroom door Dash's nostrils were suddenly assaulted by the smell of ....Oh sweet Celestia! She took a quick glanced around room and then slammed it shut. She hadn't seen any but RD only knew of one thing could've made that smell. The shower would have to wait. She exited the cottage and launched herself in to later afternoon sky. There was one pony in RD's mind was an expert on the subject.

     Applejack was finishing up with the afternoon feeding of the chickens when her longtime friend came diving out of the sky with a look of alarm in her eyes and landed in front of her. Immediately RD started prancing nervously in place.

     "Applejack! I've got a really big problem! An emergency! I don't know what to do, and your the first pony I thought of!"

     The earth pony pushed her tan Stetson back on her head. "Sure Dash! Whats up?"

     "It's Brick's cottage! I just went in it, and there's a poop smell coming from the bathroom. A really, really bad poop smell! And since you work with poop all the time I figured you'd know where  the smell is coming from!"

     "It's manure." AJ took great care to enunciate manure as she glared at the light Cerulean Blue mare. "We use manure here at Sweet Apple Acres."

     "Looks like poop. Smells like poop. It's poop! " RD rebutted.

     "Did ya check ta be sure the potty wasn't just backed up?"

     "Nope! But no toilet can hold the amount of poop I smelled!"

     AJ rolled her eyes. "Ugh! Come on! Lets git this over!"

     Upon arrival at the cottage AJ didn't bother stepping into it. Instead she immediately headed around back of the cottage to a large grassy area located under the shade of several oak trees. She stared at a large, obviously damp spot on the grass and sighed.

     "Yep! Just as I figgered! It's a gonna fixin!"

     "What's going to need fix?" RD was hovering alongside her friend. "I just see a damp spot in the grass?" She hovered over and started to descend toward the moist patch of grass.

     "I wouldn't do that if was yu!" AJ called out.

     "Why?" RD stared down at grass. It was at that moment that combination of shifting breezes and turbulence from her wings flapping resulted in a smell hitting her nostrils. Instinctively the mare shot up about 30ft in the air.

     "It's that same smell! That poop smell! AJ what's going on!"

     AJ first checked that she was not standing on damp patch of grass and then sat down. "It's the septic tank RD. By the looks of it I reckon it's either got sum clog in it or it's dun filled up!"

     "Filled up with what!" RD yelled down from lofty post.

     "Well, with poop as ya put it.

     RD looked at her friend in horror. "AJ are you saying Brick's place has a giant tank of poop buried on their property!"

     "Yup!"

     "Why?!"

     "Ya gotta do sumthin with it!" The earth pony looked up at her friend with a confused expression. "This is how most places in Ponyville deal with it!"

     " AJ! Are you telling me there's hundreds of giant poop tanks that are leaking all around town!!!"  RD screamed as she added a few more feet of altitude.

     "Rainbow Dash! Are ya telling me ya never knew this?"

     The pegasus mare just shook her head vigorously. AJ growled "And ta answer yer question. No. When they're doin their job right they ain't suppose ta leak." The yellow orange mare cocked her head. " Ya know I've never asked ya, but how do ya deal with it in yer cloud home anyways?"

     "It gets handled correctly, and zap with lightning!" Then ashes get dumped every so often. All cloud buildings do that. That way we don't plop bomb ponies on the ground."

     AJ just stared dumbfounded for a moment and then slowly nodded her head. "Well. That's, that's rather neighborly of ya. Good ta know, but in the meantime we're gonna need the help of 2 of Ponyville's most important ponies. They're real pros when it comes ta stuff like this!"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

     Outhouse and his brother Buzzing Flies slowly paced around the damp patch that had grown progressively larger, moister, and more odiferous. AJ walked silently alongside the brothers. Making sure she stayed on the outside and away from the source of the trouble. In the town of Ponyville these 2  earth pony stallions were essential for keeping civilization running. They'd inherited their father's business and his talent. They were often quoted as saying.

     We git shit dun.

     As result most ponies were more than happy to pay for them to deal with things that most tried to avoid. Therefore Outhouse and Buzzing Flies both were fairly well-to-do ponies. They'd both married and between they'd had 6 foals that they sometimes referred to jokingly as the Little Shits.

     "Yup! Ya were smart ta git in touch with us AJ." Outhouse said as he sat down and rubbed his chin a front hoof. "Now it's all about figgering out how ta tackle it. Wut ya think bruther? I reckon based on how big this here soggy area is we're ah lookin at a full tank and not a clogged line. Sound right?"

     "Mhmm!" Buzzing Flies said as he chewed his bubble gum. " Probably, but it could still be ah clog. I figger the main line runs from the cottage like this." He said pointing at the back of the cottage with a front hoof. "And it looks like somepony got the bright idea tu put a kink in the line erround here tu avoid the roots of these here trees. Tu bad they didn't figger that out befer they put the cottage up tu begin with!"

     "What I want to know is what you 2 are going to do about the smell and the poop!" Rainbow Dash said from a low hanging branch of a nearby, but upwind, tree. In the last couple of hours she'd apparently developed an aversion to touching the ground.

     "Wwweeelll." Outhouse glanced up at the tree inhabiting mare. "We're gonna have ta dig down ta the tank and git a look at we're all dealing with. Once we git our peepers on it we'll be able ta determun wut needs doin. If its a clog or a broken pipe we'll need ta figger out where it is. If it's just a full tank then we'll empty it. Even if nots full we'd recommend emptying it."

     "What do you with it then, and how much poop are we talking about?" RD asked with slightly nauseous look on her face.

     Pop! The bubble of gum Buzzing Flies had been blowing finally burst. He took a moment to use his tongue to get it all of his gum back in his mouth before replying.  "That depenz, but I reckon fer a place this size we're lookin at sumthin erround 5 tu 6 hundred gellons. Sound right bro?"

     "Yup!" Outhouse replied. He was moving his front hooves up and around as if he was planning a line of advance in an upcoming battle.

     "500 to 600 gallons of poop!" RD face looked a bit greener than usually.

     "Wweellll. It ain't all what we refur in the industree as fecal matter, but that'll make up the bulk of the solid mateerul along with used TP. Liquid mateerul can make a large chunk of it tu. Stuff like yureen and–"

     "Okay! Okay! I get it. Can you please make it and the smell go away!" RD waved her front hooves at the odiferous patch ground.

     AJ smiled and looked back at the brothers. "When can ya git on this? Sky Brush and his household r outta of town at moment, but I'll vouch fer them paying the bill."

     "We can be on the job tamorrow at the crack of dawn!"

     "Sound good ta ya Rainbow?" Yelled AJ.

     "Yes! Just! Just make this go away! Now! I need to get some more fresh air!" With that pegasus tore off into the late afternoon sky.

To be continued.