Quick update // Children and their phases... (Patreon)

Hey guys,

Today I write to you, becasue it's a third day in a row where my toddler refuses to let me go to work. As I work at home, it's really hard to do anything about it for now. He is too smart for me to pretend that I dress up and go out. He always hears me when I sneak back in. Yes, we've tried me pretending to get ready for work to go outside, coat, bag, scarf and all and I went out and when i get a signal that he is occupied in the kitchen I tried to sneak in, but our front door makes such a characteristic noise that it's impossible to execute without alerting him. So that went out the window.

For 3 days now he throws enormous tantrums and refuses to spend time with anyone but mom. Literally kicking and punching anyone else trying to apporach him and yelling that he wants mom at the top of his lungs. He's not been feeling well and he has tummy troubles and I know he is in pain and possibly he's just uncofmortable, so he runs to the safe haven that I am for him.

During this week I have basically only been able to work when he was on his nap (so that's 2-3h when he is away) and then I had to struggle to run away when he is distracted, but that lasted for 15-20 minutes and nothing can be done within this timeframe.

He's already gone through a lot of phases. He changes constantly and so fast and trying to fight and struggle to work while I hear my child banging on my door crying his heart out is really... It's not possible to do quality creative work like this. I feel constantly rushed, threatened and I feel like a horrible mother that abandoned her child.
These phases (especiallythe more violent ones, like this one) don't last too long. So I hope he will be done within a week or 2, or maybe just after his tummy calms down and he is back to being healthy.

So I regret to tell you, that I will probably not be able to do much while this is happening. I don't want to cut on my monthly obligations permanently, becasue these phases are so fluent, I can never know when will I be able to work 6h (that's the best I can do :D) and when will I just be able to work while he is sleeping. So the best I can do is just aim at completing all of them (so daily art, comics and commissions).

Trying to carry on as usual while he is like this has proven to be terrible for me. I am drained, feel hopeless and powerless and useless. Like I can't do anything well. I can't work well, I can't be a mom well when I'm torn between these worlds. And nobody wins here.

***

I decided I will continue to draw my daily artworks and if I still got some time left I will work commissions during that time. I won't be able to provide a new comic page this week. I am very unhappy with this, as I am almost at the end of the chapter and I was really excited to be able to wrap it up this month.

I don't know how will the situation look like next week. I will need to just see, if he will start accepting other people in his life again and let me work. I am also sure once it gets a bit warmer (probably in a month...) and he can spend more time outside or go to playgrounds, the forest or the zoo (he loved it last year and went almost daily and never got bored), it will be better. But for now, uh.

***

As always, thank you so much for your support and your kind words and your udnerstanding. You've been nothing but wonderful to me. Thank you for staying with me during these hard times. You're all really lovely. And thanks to you, I can say I love my job.

Thank you!