Chapter 283: The stage (Patreon)

The basement—let alone Suri’s pocket dimension—did not seem like a believable stage for the promised sparring match. And frankly, it didn’t seem feasible to expect someone as paranoid as Sudo to accept entering the latter anyway.

So from the start, we decided to maximise our home-ground advantage by practising in the intended arena.

To be honest, I felt a little guilty seeing Loudmouth squirm at the idea of a fight taking place in his little private sanctuary, but it really is the most suitable location. It’s roughly in the middle of the estate—so as far from the edges as we can get—it’s sheltered by trees, and it’s just unconventional enough to hopefully throw Sudo off her game a little. Most importantly, however...

It’s got a large under-Hydrum area for Hoig to unobtrusively hang around to watch, very close to the action.

Our goal is still to get Sudo and Jacob into a pocket dimension, if at all possible, but this time, we intend to do it by having Suri set one up at an opportune moment, and then—in Alec’s words—yeeting them into it.

Upon reaching our ‘arena,’ Jacob stops in his tracks.

“My my,” Sudo chimes. “What a... creative location for a match. Perhaps there is more merit to the concept of a martial artist, than I had previously considered.”

I groan internally.

“Well put, friend, well put,” Kaitlynn chimes with a bit of Lyrack’s old joviality. “So, a sparring match. How does this work, exactly?”

“Well, let’s start with some ground rules,” Sudo chimes. “Or Hydrum rules, rather. Because that’ll be rule number one: if you touch the Hydrum, you lose.”

“Is that an official stage fighting rule?” I can’t help but chime dryly in Farouq’s voice.

Hey, I’m just trying to stay in character.

Jacob’s eyes flick over to Alec and me, looking us up and down, studying. “There’s no such thing as ‘official’ rules,” she chimes after a moment. “They’re more like guidelines. But the first rule of stage fighting is pretty much undisputed. Entertain. Your. Audience. Even if all of our live viewers in this case will be Hoig, getting into an under-Hydrum battle would still slow things down to a crawl, and that’s how you lose an audience. By limiting our arena, instead, we raise the stakes of every manoeuvre, and force ourselves to get creative.”

Damn, sounds like she’s actually thought about this kind of stuff a lot...

“What else?” ‘Lyrack’ prompts.

“Second rule,” Sudo continues. “Hmm... let’s keep things simple for now, and say basic energies only, so no Momentum, Inertia, Gravity, and Space shenanigans. That’s actually quite a common match style, referred to as a ‘Basics,’ in case you didn’t know. We can work up to the more advanced stuff later.”

“Fine with me,” I grunt.

I can always ‘cheat’ and suddenly pull out Spatial Energy anyway.

Alec and I did actually practise our teamwork with those energies, though we came to the conclusion that it was best if he did the Inertial stuff himself, as it was really hard to coordinate my use of it with his movements. Warping him works better, if not great, as long as I give him enough of an advanced warning and a clear idea of where he’s going to end up.

“Final rule,” Sudo chimes, “and this should really go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: no lethal actions. These hosts are far too valuable to be lost to some unfortunate incident, especially when it’s not even during a big live event.”

“Agreed,” I chime earnestly, though my reasoning is no doubt very different from hers.

“To be honest,” Sudo chimes. “I would normally never bring Jacob out for a sparring match with a new partner, but for this match-up... I was willing to make an exception.”

Jacob once again is looking at Alec, rather intensely. I can feel Alec tense up in response.

“And we appreciate it,” Kaitlynn quickly chimes. “Now, my servants and I will be viewing from below the surface, so please do try not to send any attacks our way. Sudo, Farouq, have a good match!”

And with that, Loudmouth turns around and jumps neatly into the Hydrum, his entry barely disturbing the surface of the high-viscosity liquid.

Meanwhile, Jacob takes the large black case off his back and mechanically puts it on the ground, opens it, and to my surprise, retrieves two hefty Darksteel staves.

He stands and tosses one to Alec in one smooth motion.

Alec, to his credit, doesn’t fumble the catch.

“We’ll be using these, to start,” Sudo chimes, “to try and knock each other into the Hydrum and win the round. Now, do you have any last questions?”

The question of why we aren’t using something lighter or, you know, less painful, lies on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it.

After all, Peilor don’t feel pain, and our hosts can both Regenerate. Even brain damage isn’t necessarily much of an issue, as long as the host’s spirit survives.

“No,” I finally chime gruffly.

Alec’s grip on his staff tightens.

“Good,” Sudo chimes. “Then let’s get started.”

As we square off on top of the lily pads, separated by some thirty feet of Hydrum, my nerves start to get to me.

This isn’t some unsuspecting artist we’ve lured into a trap so I can attack them through spiritual means. This is a paranoid, professional fighter we’re facing in physical combat, while they’re riding our friend’s face to boot.

And if we can’t get the upper hand somehow, we’re never getting the two of them in that blasted dimensional pocket.

Perhaps the worst part, still, is that I can’t fight myself, that I have to rely on Alec to do the heavy lifting.

<Remember to start slow,> I warn him one last time, using a subtle manipulation of some Lavi deep in his forehead to pass the message. This way, the signal should be barely noticeable to Sudo.

She may be able to tell that I’m communicating, but that’s fine. There’s nothing suspicious about that, as long as she doesn’t intercept the content.

<Yeah yeah,> he sends back through his Lavi flows. <We gotta hold back to catch her off-guard later, I know, Emma!>

The fact that he’s using my real name betrays his nerves.

<You’ve got this, Alec,> I encouragingly. <For Jacob.>

He straightens a little at that. <For Jacob.>

“Time for your first lesson,” Sudo chimes in a stage whisper, as Jacob sinks slightly through his knees, leaning forward. “The dramatic entrance!”

Astreum forms beneath Jacob’s feet, leaving scorch marks on the lily pad as he launches up and towards us.

My Command to keep his face straight is probably the only thing that prevents Alec from going slack-jawed as Jacob performs a double front flip with a full twist on his way over.

Thankfully, the acrobatic motions are familiar enough to me that I manage to predict the overhead strike that comes out of it at the end.

My projection of the Darksteel staff landing square on Alec’s nose is enough to startle the blond into jumping to the lily pad on the right at the last moment.

Jacob’s staff hits the pad Alec was just on with a deep thud, sending ripples out over the Hydrum’s still surface.

“Good!” Sudo chimes as Jacob lifts his Darksteel staff into a wholly unnecessary spinning routine that ends in a dramatic pose where he has his staff clamped beneath his arm and a palm facing Alec. “Remember: stage fights aren’t just about winning or losing, they’re about pleasing the crowd! Always keep that in mind!”

<She’s crazy!> Alec complains to me, as he parries a flurry of overly complicated, well-telegraphed strikes.

<Crazy is good, we can work with crazy,> I send back. <Now stop pulling your punches and start putting on a show!>

Alec activates Boost Reflexes, and starts fighting back with a similar kind of showy, inefficient attacks.

He brings his staff down diagonally in far too big an arc, giving Jacob plenty of time to throw his staff up into the Aether, and use jets of Astreum to cartwheel to another lily pad across the Hydrum.

There, Jacob catches his staff again, only to immediately twirl it into a sideways sweep.

Knowing Alec, I accurately predict his Matrix-style dodge, and quickly whip up a blunt Boreum knife behind him, for him to sneakily grasp as he bends over backwards.

I show him where it forms, and he immediately reaches for it, his hand unerringly closing around the haft.

He straightens up and whips it at Jacob in one smooth motion.

Jacob has to actually duck to the side a little and take two stumbling steps to prevent the blunt Boreum weapon from smacking against his face.

This leaves the initiative with us, allowing Alec to sweep his staff low in a slightly tighter, less-exaggerated arc.

If we can knock them into the Hydrum, they’ll be far less manoeuvrable, that’ll be our chance to—

However, despite his previous stumble, Jacob still manages to leap over the sweep, and even follows up by kicking out with a blast of Astreum.

Alec is still over-extended from his sweep, and he’s too slow to react to the lance of orange plasma that hits him square in the chest and sends him tumbling into the Hydrum.

Shit, they’re good...

“Not bad!” Sudo chimes as Alec climbs back onto the lily pad with minimal spluttering. “But have your host pay attention to its footwork; you need a solid basis to pull off sick moves. Again!”

The sparring match continues, and Alec and I quickly fall into the rhythm of it.

Sudo is a very hands-on teacher, and she’s clearly turned Jacob into quite the fighting machine.

With Jacob being of the Vibration subtype and Alec of the Electric, there’s not much point in using those energies against each other, so they mostly serve to enhance the spectacle of the clashing weapons.

Despite slowly stepping up our game, we have yet to succeed to get a clean blow on Jacob even once, let alone knock him into the Hydrum.

Part of me wants to just signal for Suri to set up the pocket dimension and then go all out on trying to get them in, get it over with. But once we do that, we’ll have shown our hand, and time will run out quickly.

We’ve been doing a lot of fighting practice here, of course, and the neighbours have surely heard about Farouq’s adventurous foray into martial arts—if there’s one thing I have faith in with regards to the Peilor, it’s their rumour mill—so we have some leeway with regards to energy fluctuations. However, if Sudo gets spooked and manages to break through the Boreum shell, all bets are off.

So far, I’ve come up with several alternative plans of how to get Sudo in that damn pocket dimension, but all of them have their risks.

I just need to find the right time, the right opportunity, I tell myself once again.

Meanwhile, Alec takes the umpteenth blow to his body—and pride—mid-Aether, before coincidentally landing on his back on a lily pad, which clearly knocks the Aether out of him.

If it weren’t for his constant application of Regeneration, he’d be as bruised as a ripe peach dropped from a tall tree by now.

<You, ehm, got a plan yet, Emma?> he sends as he lies there. <I gotta be honest, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up...>

My stomach sinks as I realise I wasn’t imagining things after all.

Regenerate may be keeping him fighting shape, he’s still growing physically and mentally exhausted. Already he’s starting to move slower, clearly growing fatigued.

Damnit, I can’t keep stalling!

<Yes, I’ve got one,> I send back, leaving out the part where it’s pretty desperate. <I’ve been waiting for the right moment to set it in motion, but at this point, I think we’re better off creating that moment ourselves. So, here’s what I need you to do...>

A few seconds of rapid-fire instructions later, I can feel Alec take a deep breath before he grits his teeth and gets to his feet again.

However, he sways a little and nearly stumbles as he does.

Meanwhile, Jacob has landed on a nearby lily pad, and is staring at us expressionlessly.

“It seems your host is flagging,” Sudo chimes, sounding a little disappointed. “Perhaps we should call it a day.”

“Hold on,” I chime as Farouq. “Before you leave, I have a request. I’d like to experience your famed finishing move.”

“Oh?” Sudo chimes, sounding pleased. Then she’s quiet for a moment. “Are you sure about this? Finishers are a little... advanced, for a spar with a beginner. I wouldn’t want to accidentally damage your host too badly. Or this lovely lake, for that matter...”

While this sounds very considerate, I’m quite positive her ‘finisher’ doesn’t really pose all that much risk. Which means she’s really just humble-bragging and fishing for compliments, all at once.

Well, I’m not above begging to get her where I want.

“Experiencing it first-hand would mean the Realm to me,” I assure her. “Moreover, Lyrack told me we were free to go all out, and I promise I appreciate the gravity of the situation.”

Below the Hydrum, I feel the stirring of Hoig moving in position upon my delivered cue.

“Very well then,” Sudo chimes gravely, as Jacob carelessly tosses aside his staff and sinks into a ready stance. “Prepare yourself, for you are about to receive... The Infernal Grave-ity Piledriver!”

Author's note:

And, do you all hate the puns as much as Emma does? ;)