July Story - Metroid: The Biggest Bounty (Chapter 1) (Patreon)

Samus Aran was taking a break from Federation jobs. She wanted to go around taking requests from the everyday folk. Smugglers, scientists, quarreling couples, corporate CEOs, and everything else in between. She almost forgot what it was like to interact with civilians. It was nice not butting heads with Federation regulations.

While drifting in hyperspace, looking for a good time, she received a call. She put them on hold while she went to change into her armor. It was always better that way when speaking with clients. It was still a rather uncivilized galaxy; she noticed that people treated her differently when she spoke with them wearing armor versus without armor – especially men.

Samus sat in her cockpit, fully armored, and answered the call.

A woman appeared on the vidfeed. She appeared to be in her mid-50’s. She had black hair with a long silver streak that complemented her look. She had a stern look, as did most scientists, at least the ones that Samus interacted with.

Margaret Steiner, the CEO of Life Solutions, personally reached out to Samus about a bounty bounty. Months ago, one of their cargo ships was carrying test subjects in the outermost regions of the galaxy. The cargo ship struck some space debris and crash landed on a nearby uninhabited planet. The company did not receive word from any survivors. The cargo desperately needed to be captured and brought back alive. When she sent an image of the specimen in question, Samus was taken aback.

“SR29008” was unlike any metroid Samus had ever seen before. It reminded her of the zeta form of a metroid, a short stubby creature on two legs with a hunched back and soft belly. Its face was different though. It looked vaguely humanoid but with three purple eyes.  Tentacles protruded from its back, which drooped down when it wasn’t using them. Around the crotch, Samus spotted a long appendage that she did not recognize. She wasn’t sure if it was part of the belly or separate from it.

“Does the Federation know about this?” Samus asked. She figured no, but she wanted to hear it from her.

“No.” Margaret said. “And we prefer to keep it that way. If you have a problem with that, then we have a problem with you. I will terminate this communication immediately. But from what I understand, you have had experience handling metroids. And you are known for your confidentiality.”

Margaret never explained the nature of the metroid in question, and Samus didn’t ask. It wasn’t her business to ask anybody about the bounty. . . unless there was probable cause to suspect something more sinister going on. Kids, slaves, and any kind of abuse were strictly off the table. Those clients were often met with her blast cannon instead of an agreement. Her reputation across the galaxy already solidified this though, so those kinds of people stopped bothering to ask her. Maybe there wasn’t anything sinister going with this.

Samus shook her head. “I don’t have a problem. Just tell me where I need to go.”

“Very good. I’ll send you the coordinates. There are specific instructions on handling this species of metroid.”

After the call, Samus tried to dig up dirt on the company name. Life Solutions was a very generic name for a medical company. She couldn’t find much on them on any database, which raised a brow. They must have a lot of private money to keep themselves off the grid. Samus didn’t know what they did besides “testing” for “services”. They were very hush-hush about said services. Samus surmised that they must have had an eye on her for some time.

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The trip to the uninhabited planet where the cargo ship was last seen took about a week. Samus had never been that far out in the galaxy before, so it was a first for her. It wasn’t like there was much going on there. She figured Life Solutions bred these offbeat looking metroids on some distant planet, far away from Federation regulations, and then shipped them to their headquarters.

There was one thing about catching the bounty that was very odd, and yet Margaret Steiner talked about it with the straightest face. She didn’t elaborate why but she told Samus that the creature was attracted to the sound of a fart. She sent Samus an audio recording of a very loud, long, and abrasive fart.

Samus wasn’t sure what to make of this. She found it amusing on some level but was wondering if she was being made a fool of. She tried to recall the latest bounty hunter she pissed off. Sylux? Maybe this was their way of getting back at her, and she would be caught on camera and they would send the footage to “Galaxy’s Worst Bounty Hunters”.

The uninhabited planet was a vast purple wasteland of lush but poisonous plants that emitted noxious fumes. It was dead silent…except for the occasional loud fart that sounded from the recording as Samus walked by.

“This is ridiculous,” she murmured, checking the map.

She found the wreckage of the cargo ship. It had long been picked off by local wildlife. The hull had been split in two, and she spotted green slime and bite marks on the food containers. She confirmed that there were no survivors – the planet’s atmosphere suffocated them in seconds. Their crinkly bodies were scattered around.

The fart recording echoed throughout the ship, bouncing off the broken metal walls.

“SR29008” ended up being the easiest bounty she had to catch ever.

The creature hopped down from an air vent. Samus had heard it and swerved, ready to fire. When she realized it was the specimen, she lowered her arm cannon. Unlike other metroids, it didn’t squeal, scowl, growl, or threaten her. It trudged forward cooing like a pet, and then made some hideous slurping noises. It reached out with its tentacles and Samus threatened to shoot with her blast cannon…but the creature simply wanted to hold her hand.

Her scanner brought up nothing about the creature. It had to have been lab-made.

“Why though?” she wondered out loud. SR29008 appeared to make no move at all to harm her, so it couldn’t have been a bioweapon.

Back on her ship, Samus didn’t need to detain SR29008 or put it in a cage. It had agreed to follow her back to her ship and then explored the storage room, picking up random objects and observing them.

“Well…that was easy,” she murmured, taking off her helmet. In a strange way, she liked these errand jobs once and a while. It was busywork that put her mind off things, and it was easy money.

Samus took a cold shower, slipped into a fluffy robe, and retreated to her private study. She helped herself to a beer, belched aloud, and sat back to watch the stars go by.

Curious, she tried looking up what her scanner picked up after observing SR29008. It was a cross between a metroid and an unknown creature. The Federation had explored most of the known galaxy. To have a creature labeled “unknown” would be exciting to most. Then again, maybe this thing was known for a long time…and was kept hidden for some nefarious purpose.

Knowing how things went in her life, it was most likely the latter. She would have to keep her wits about her when she returned to Life Solutions.

She contemplated having another beer when a loud clatter made her get up and hurry to the storage room, stun gun in hand.

SR29008 turned to her. Its wide-eyed expression signified that it was caught in an awkward moment. It had accidentally toppled over one of the shelves. Cans of food and miscellaneous tools were scattered across the floor.

“Ugh,” Samus said, holstering her gun. “Don’t make a mess.”

She went about picking things up from the floor. She had her back turned to the metroid.

SR29008 gave off a disgusting slurp that made her turn around.

“What the?”

Its eyes turned red. The appendage that Samus didn’t realize was suddenly elongated. It stretched out and the skin folded back, revealing a hideous, thick pinkish head. Her eyes widened at the grotesque, massive, cylindrical appendage rising before her.

It took her just another second to realize what it was.

“Ugh!” she exclaimed.

Great, she thought. It’s a fucking penis. Maybe this was the catch. A simple job but a crazy horny bounty.

Thankfully, SR29008 made no move towards her. It simply stood there wiggling its penis around, which was double its body length, and then sheathed it back in when she refused to react to it.

“What are you?” she said. Of course, she didn’t expect it to answer back. As far as she knew, it had no known verbal communication, although maybe it could communicate by other means.

The metroid did seem to suddenly articulate something with a few squeaks. It sounded almost…cute? In a way?

Samus shook her head. She didn’t have time for this. This weird thing was going to mess with her ship. She motioned it to follow her. She was going to lock it in the stockade before it could make another mess. It took some prodding until Samus started playing the fart recording again. That instantly made it squeal and approach Samus.

“You’re a weird one, you know that?” she said, luring it into the stockade.

“There you go,” she said, locking the door behind it. “Be a good little…thing and be still.”

SR29008 then suddenly understood that it was being punished. Instead of throwing a tantrum, or threatening her, it sagged and cooed. It tried finding an escape with its tentacles by feeling around the walls, but nothing. The sounds it uttered were similar in function to a puppy whining to be loved.

Samus didn’t budge. She said, “I’m not falling for it”, and went back to her room.