Crossroads at the Top of April (Patreon)

So, which would you prefer- the bad news or the good news?

The bad news first you say? Well okay..if you insist. 

After a lot of soul-searching and considerable reflection about these interesting times all of us live in, we have decided not to make an April Fools update for the game this year. 

We had planned to reimagine all of the characters as members of an Austrian brass band that only performed goa-trance versions of Neil Diamond songs. We had to scrap all of those renders of Marika and Wendy fighting over who gets to warm up the tuba mouthpiece..

(There was so very much blood in those renders that we considered adding a trigger warning.)

Also, no longer will you get to see the riveting strip chess match between Kelly and Valentina, amid arguments as to whether they exist in a simulation. Maybe, after the game, we'll release it as DLC. We'll seek permission from the paymasters first, as they are often excellent arbiters of taste.

Lastly, and with great sadness, we have to limit Elly's night time activities as that costumed avenger of the night, righting the incremental wrongs of Willowdale.

Avenging Apple, you are already missed.

Well, with all of that bad news, it's time for a little good news, right?

We've decided to reimagine Princess on the Run as solely a 'vanilla' game. Instead of the filthiest, mind-bending, ball-draining scenes of All Teh Sexy-Sex, we will instead make all of the hot characters more chaste, in keeping with community guidelines written by the smartest people on Earth

Among these changes is the decision to re-render all of the characters as 50-somethings with totally legit 5-day stubble (even the ladies, because it's the 21st century, and women can be anything - even razor-deprived) and ill-considered comb-overs (again, even the ladies). 

I know you're imagining Kelly's comb overs right now, you pervs.

 We feel that this will avoid any claims of underage characters, as well as finally land us that lucrative denture adhesive sponsorship deal we've been chasing after.

 We have also realized that the value of a handwritten letter and those longing glances at each other's ankles is really hawt. (And if it isn't fashionable now, we're bringing it back, just for Visa). 

As well, any sexual content will be quite late in the game, after the totes consenting adults complete several sessions of couples therapy, meeting with the heads of several religious orders and, penultimately,  the all-important NDA's with indemnification clauses. In triplicate.

Utterly riveting. Keep the curtains closed and send the kids off to the game arcade.

We know that these changes will come as no surprise to those folk with a finger (or death grip) on the pulse of what today's discriminating AVN player wants to see.

We're putting the 'average' back into 'AVN', baby.